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Attention Whoring

A friend of mine recently posted a Facebook status message that said, "if you like it, put a ring on it, don't be mad once you see he want it ... just trying to be subtle." I get that she was trying to be cute about it by quoting a Beyonce song (I'm not linking to the music video because I think it's goofy - Beyonce spends half the time waddling like a duck). But really now? Normally, a well placed smiley can let you get away with all sorts of ridiculousness because you can play it off like you're joking. In this case, not even one of those smileys with the tongue sticking out could save that comment.

If you said that sort of thing out loud in the company of two or three people, you'd probably get at least one odd look. Heck, if I was one of those people, I'd give you two stink eyes just to make a point. I have no problem with you wanting more out of a relationship, but that's something you work out with the other half (if that ratio is any less than half, then we need to have a different conversation) of your relationship. I am not in said relationship, so there's nothing I can do to sway that decision one way or another. So, at that point, you're either trying to recruit me to be on your "side" or trying to use peer pressure to influence that decision. Both options just seem ... bad. Doing it on Facebook even takes away the excuse of wanting to confide in a close friend. Maybe it's just me, but it reeks of all sorts of words that you probably shouldn't use in polite company. The first two that came to mind just happen to be the subject title for this post.

Frankly, I've never quite understood the need to draw that kind of attention. I wouldn't even update my Facebook relationship status because it felt too much like saying, "hey everyone, look at me! I gots a girl!" or "no more girl. Pity, please." (of course, as soon as I blanked it out, people noticed I was no longer listed as "Single" and immediately questioned me) That was also one of the biggest reasons why I didn't consider blogging until recently. Luckily for the amusement of all involved, I realized I could write about stuff without having to air dirty laundry in public. In fact, if you ever feel like I'm starting to cross that line, I give you permission to hit me upside the head. All you have to do is remind me of this post, and I'll understand why you did it (caveat: if you're being a smartass & I'm innocent, I may just find some way of retaliating against you for being a jerk).

Actually, now that I think about it, I bet you that a well-timed smack or two when I was a kid probably did wonders to cure me of any potential prima donna tendencies. Apparently, I wasn't the only one, either: Carlos Mencia, Russell Peters, and Bernie Mac all seem to think it helped to mold them into decent human beings. A friend of mine even hypothesized that kids who were never beaten always turned out to be jerks, so she took it one step further. As a service to humanity, she would offer a "no child left unbeaten" service to reduce the overall level of goofiness in the general population. Sadly, it never happened.

From all of that, we can gather a couple of lessons: 1) Facebook + whining about not being engaged = bad, and 2) you should keep reading my blog, because I might slip up and give you an excuse to smack me.

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