When I was younger, my mom would send my siblings and I to a different room if we were bawling or throwing a tantrum. Her reasoning was simple: she didn't want to deal with it. So she came up with a very simple solution; the tantrum thrower in question would go to the other room, and let the tantrum run its course. She would go about her usual day, and at some point, the kid and the adult would meet back up again to carry on with their day, minus the shenanigans.
Now, you might think that a kid throwing a tantrum would be a poor choice for someone to leave unsupervised. Heck, I know a similar thought has crossed my mind before. However, my mom somehow made it work. She managed to convince all three of her children that a trip to the crying room was not an invitation to cause mischief, despite the fact that we were in a foul mood and we technically had no direct adult supervision in that moment. I'm not even sure that she had to put the fear of all that is holy in us in order to accomplish this. For whatever reason, it was understood that we were not allowed to trash the room, and we upheld our end of the deal. All in all, it worked out pretty well.
Well, as I am wont to say, habits die hard. So my mom's habit of sending someone to the crying room didn't disappear; she just didn't have an opportunity to put it to use. Now that she cares for younger children, she has an opportunity again. And, so, our house has seen the return of the crying room. It works pretty much like I remember it, and kids who are generally not fit to be among decent company earn themselves a trip to the crying room.
Things have changed slightly since my toddler days, though. The bedrooms are on the far end of the house, and they often house sleeping babies. Since waking one of them up via a screaming toddler isn't an option, the (nearer) bathroom has been re-purposed to serve as a crying room. We keep the bathroom clean, and the rules are the same (e.g., don't cause a ruckus in there). It seemed like an odd choice for a crying room to me, but darn if it didn't work. Babies still get their sleep through tantrums, kids throwing tantrums cry themselves out, and adults nearby don't have to put up with nonsense for too long.
In fact, it's gotten to the point now that one of the kids has actually said to my mom, "I want to go to the bathroom to cry!" Think about that for a second. A 4 year old recognized that she was behaving inappropriately, and that she should remove herself to deal with said behavior in private. Actually, I take that back, this kid preemptively excused herself when she knew she was about to start bawling. What's more, the kid also adhered to the rules of the crying room. When she was done, she washed her face, and very calmly came back to join everyone else. There was no yelling, no discipline was involved, no threats were made, and no bribes were offered. Instead, the situation just defused itself.
What's even more amazing to me is that I've seen the same behavior from pretty much every kid that comes through our house. Two year olds will act the same way, and I've never once had to clean up after a trip to the crying room. It's no fluke, that much is for sure. Given all this, I've decided two things:
Now, you might think that a kid throwing a tantrum would be a poor choice for someone to leave unsupervised. Heck, I know a similar thought has crossed my mind before. However, my mom somehow made it work. She managed to convince all three of her children that a trip to the crying room was not an invitation to cause mischief, despite the fact that we were in a foul mood and we technically had no direct adult supervision in that moment. I'm not even sure that she had to put the fear of all that is holy in us in order to accomplish this. For whatever reason, it was understood that we were not allowed to trash the room, and we upheld our end of the deal. All in all, it worked out pretty well.
Well, as I am wont to say, habits die hard. So my mom's habit of sending someone to the crying room didn't disappear; she just didn't have an opportunity to put it to use. Now that she cares for younger children, she has an opportunity again. And, so, our house has seen the return of the crying room. It works pretty much like I remember it, and kids who are generally not fit to be among decent company earn themselves a trip to the crying room.
Things have changed slightly since my toddler days, though. The bedrooms are on the far end of the house, and they often house sleeping babies. Since waking one of them up via a screaming toddler isn't an option, the (nearer) bathroom has been re-purposed to serve as a crying room. We keep the bathroom clean, and the rules are the same (e.g., don't cause a ruckus in there). It seemed like an odd choice for a crying room to me, but darn if it didn't work. Babies still get their sleep through tantrums, kids throwing tantrums cry themselves out, and adults nearby don't have to put up with nonsense for too long.
In fact, it's gotten to the point now that one of the kids has actually said to my mom, "I want to go to the bathroom to cry!" Think about that for a second. A 4 year old recognized that she was behaving inappropriately, and that she should remove herself to deal with said behavior in private. Actually, I take that back, this kid preemptively excused herself when she knew she was about to start bawling. What's more, the kid also adhered to the rules of the crying room. When she was done, she washed her face, and very calmly came back to join everyone else. There was no yelling, no discipline was involved, no threats were made, and no bribes were offered. Instead, the situation just defused itself.
What's even more amazing to me is that I've seen the same behavior from pretty much every kid that comes through our house. Two year olds will act the same way, and I've never once had to clean up after a trip to the crying room. It's no fluke, that much is for sure. Given all this, I've decided two things:
- My mom has magic powers. Getting a little kid to act anywhere close to reasonably in the middle of a fit can be tough. Doing so to lots of little kids, repeatedly, with unerring accuracy requires nothing short of magic.
- Should I ever have kids, I'm installing a crying room in my house. I may not have magic powers, but it's still worth a shot.
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