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I Can't Win

Like I've said before, I tend to eat a lot. Many of the things I like happen to be carb-heavy, and I've often described my favorite meals as "hearty." This is nothing new, and the fact that I've written about it before is proof enough that this is a long-standing habit of mine. However, there are a few new twists to this story.

Let's start with an unintended Sam meal. There is a set of food trucks that stop by our offices every now and then,  and a coworker and I decided to grab lunch from one of them. Now, there are some really well known food trucks (e.g., Chairman Bao), but the one we decided to patronize wasn't one like that. Honestly, I don't remember the name. However, I do remember what we both ordered. It was a giant helping of nachos. I actually saw some lady walk by after she had ordered that, and it immediately appealed to me. So, I got the same thing.

To give you some idea of how big these nachos were, I carried it with two hands at some point. It was a mound of food, and anyone walking by could see what I had ordered. In other words, it was a Sam meal.

We took our food back to the office, and several people noticed the healthy portion sizes. My coworker was nice enough to offer some of the onlookers a bite, and I did the same thing. The reaction was priceless, "no! I can't eat that! How many calories are in that thing?!"

After I finished getting all of the laughing out of my system, I sat down to eat. It took me something like 30 minutes to finish the whole thing, which was something of a minor miracle given how quickly I eat. I even texted the friend who coined the term "Sam meal" about the whole thing, because I was so amused by it all. She, in turn, laughed like crazy and said that she could picture me downing the whole thing "to the disgust of coworkers."

Fast forward a week, and I was walking back from the company cafeteria with a salad in hand. Mind you, it's not uncommon for me to eat a salad. I've been known to have an adventure or two while eating them. However, if you were to contrast that salad with the nachos from the week before, you might find it amusing to see the same person eating both. One of my coworkers did just that. He saw the salad, and he exclaimed, "wait wait, where's the rest of it? I saw those nachos last week, those things were LOADED. You're just going to eat a salad?"

After getting all of the laughing out of my system, I sat down to eat. Remembering the text exchange from the week before, I informed my friend of the latest development. This time, I pointed out that I was getting crap for not eating enough. She, in turn, laughed like crazy and said that this was what happened when I set expectations about my appetite.

That brings me back to the title: I just can't win. If I eat a lot, I get crap. If I eat less than that, I get crap. I give up. I'm just going to keep eating as many Sam meals as I can.

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