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Wife Watch

Remember how I said that every now and again, the people around me like to give questionable dating advice? Some of these folks are at it again. This time, however, they have decided to switch up their tactics. Rather than simply giving me advice, they've stepped their collective games up. Allow me to explain.

For example, my sister-in-law has decided that she was being too passive in the whole process, so she is now on wife watch for me. I kid you not, those are the words she used: "wife watch." What exactly is wife watch, you ask? Well, she will scope out women on my behalf, and then point them out when we are out in public. It's not even a shared activity; she just does it on my behalf. We were out one night having dinner, when she started checking out the women at the table behind me. I had my back to these people, and I was busy actually having dinner, so figuring out if any of the women were attractive was quite probably the last thing on my mind.

My sister-in-law, on the other hand, was on it like a hawk. Not only did she quickly take to her task, she also started involving anyone else who would play along. My brother figured it would be a fun game, so he played along, too. Now, when your wife asks you to check out other women, you can be a little more brazen. Under other circumstances, you might not want to give others the impression that you're staring at them. In this case, the one person whose anger he cared about had requested that he do so. Let's just say that having multiple people, one of whom can act with impunity, play "wife watch for Sam" makes the conversation far more entertaining.

Oh, and the best part of this all? Between laughs, I asked my sister-in-law how come she was so interested in the first place. Her response: "I want my nieces and nephews to be cute. I don't want ugly ones."

It's not only family, for that matter. I was talking to a friend of mine when I joked about wife watch. Her reaction was roughly, "oh, haha, I can't lag behind, I should help, too." Her contribution wasn't going to be pointing out women, but she was going to judge them for date-ability (side note: some part of my brain thinks that "datability" should be a real word). In the process of describing what she meant, the phrases "she better not be crazy"  and "I hope I'm not scaring you" were both thrown about. Really, she was promising to be brutally honest about anyone I happen to bring around, but the manner in which she promised to do so was highly entertaining.

Well, awesome. I now have several people who are on wife watch for me. Much like suicide watch, wife watch is a 24/7 operation, with several people looking out for my best interests. Wife watch, however, promises to deliver far more laughs. Better yet, this means that I can outsource both the finding and vetting of women. Awesome. This should be fun.
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