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Military Man

For reasons unknown to me, people in my life have occasionally asked if I was in the military. I once hypothesized that it had something to do with my gait. As it turns out, I now know why. Well, I have a better idea now.

First, though, let me start by saying that I don't necessarily think that's a bad thing. I have enough respect for the members of the armed services ("home of the free because of the brave" comes to mind) that I am pleasantly surprised if people ask me this. However, I've never served in any kind of military branch. Hell, I've never even played on an organized sports team.

However, this observation is not a coincidence. It has come up too many times, in too many ways, for it to be one person's wild imagination. No, it's come up surprisingly often:

  • Vendors in a different continent entirely asked me out of the blue
    I briefly mentioned this in the linked blog post, but a few coworkers and I were walking around a look out point during a rest stop. We all took a look through their wares, but I was done with my shopping fairly quickly. Not wanting to be in the way, I decided to make my way outside. The vendors wanted to try to coax me into making another purchase, so they came up to me and started trying to make small talk.

    I hadn't really talked to them at that point, but one of them blurted out the question, "are you in the military?" Somewhat surprised, I assured them I was not. They simply did not believe me, though. Undeterred, they started rattling off other forms of military-ish service that they could think of. Was I in the CIA? No. FBI? No. Air Force? No. You get the idea. They were convinced that I secretly had fatigues stashed away in my luggage.
  • The lunch lady at the work cafeteria
    Most of my meal-related adventures tend to come about because I eat vegetarian meals on occasion. This, however, was a slightly different adventure. I routinely go to the cafeteria to grab something to eat, so I tend to see the same people serving us food. I'm always polite to them, because a) they're still people, and b) they control my food. There is no good reason to be a jerk to them.

    Anyhow, there was a new lunch lady at the cafeteria, but I'd gone to her station enough times that she recognized me. I placed my order, as usual, and threw in my usual, "please" and "thank you." At that point, she asked me if I was in the military.

    Again, I was surprised. I told her no, but I was curious why she thought that. So I asked her why she thought that (sometimes my brain works in very simple ways). She took that the wrong way, though, and thought that I was offended by the accusation. So instead of actually answering my question, she verbally back pedaled. Sadly, this was the exact opposite of what I was hoping for. Foiled.

    The funniest part was that a coworker overheard all of this, and he quipped, "so, Sam, I didn't realize you were in the military" as we walked back.
  • On Facebook
    I was amused enough by the previous episode that I posted a quick blurb about this on Facebook. My favorite response was, "must be the hair." Yup, I know some jokers.
  • On public transportation
    I was walking to take the bus with one of the Mild Ex'es, and a random guy asked us for directions. He was clearly drunk, but I told him he was nowhere near where he wanted to be. I directed him as best as I could, and he thanked me.

    He also asked, "hey man, you in the military?" As I would later realize, his drunkenness could either be affirmation that there must be something in my mannerisms (if even a drunk guy could see it) or that this was all wild speculation (he was drunk, after all). I didn't really spend too much time debating the point, but by this point, there was enough of a pattern that I was starting to think it was the former rather than the latter.
  • One of my students asked me as much
    As I said, I volunteer to teach on occasions. One of my students came up to me after class, as I was wiping down the white board. She called out my name, and I turned around. The words she said next stuck with me, "whoa! That was way too fast. Have you ever served?"

    Well, no. And I didn't realize that I had spun on my heel quite so quickly. As far as I knew, I had turned around when someone had called my name.

    Still, she had apparently spent some time on a naval base, so I figured she knew what she was talking about. It's not like she was making all of this up; she actually had some real-world experience on which to base this. Yup, there was a pattern.
  As you can probably guess, that last interaction was my perfect chance to get some answers. I mean, she had brought it up, and it's not like she was going to run away from me at that point. So, I asked why she thought that. Also, having learned my lesson with the lunch lady, I quickly pointed out that I wasn't offended. I really was genuinely curious, more than anything else.

  She said that a) I had "the right build for it" and b) "it's the way [I] carry myself." That still didn't quite answer my question, but like I said, it got me a lot closer. Apparently I have worked out enough that it's not an unreasonable assumption to make about me. I'm pretty sure it's the second reason that most people latch on to, though. I can't quite explain it, but maybe I'm polite without being bubbly. Or maybe I'm more strict than people are used to about personal conduct. Either way, she answered me honestly, and gave me enough reason to think that it can't be a fluke.

  Who knew?
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