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Wife Watch 2

So, at some point, my friends and family decided to start something called "Wife Watch" for me. It was a joke, really, but my sister in law was trying to scope out potential partners for me. It was all quite amusing, since she and my brother could be quite brazen about all of this.

Of course, that was over three years ago, so the people around me have had more time to add to the list of stories. Ladies and gentlemen, I present to you the latest edition of Wife Watch:

  • The first entry goes to my sister in law, because of course it does. It was her idea from the beginning, so it should come as no surprise that she has another contribution to the list. This time, she thought that I might be interested in her coworker. Both she and said coworker live far enough away that it'd involve some planning to see them, but that was apparently a trivial detail/objection.

    In fact, when the two of them randomly happened to have lunch much closer to me, my sister in law practically insisted that I crash their lunch date. I don't remember why I chose not to, though the fact that it might come off as more than a touch rude was probably on the list somewhere. Either way, I was quite amused to see that the proposed plan was, "crash our lunch."
  • I happened to be having dinner with some friends, when one of them noted that she had single friends. She then took a moment to ponder this, turned to me, and asked, "do you have an upper weight limit?"

    I couldn't help but burst out laughing. The question was phrased so oddly that I couldn't help but be amused. I mean, do you know anyone who has put so much thought into their ideal partner's weight that they have an absolute threshold? I don't. I prefer that someone be into the same activities I am, and I like being somewhat active. Other than that, I have no clue what I'd answer to that question.

    Hell, I'm terrible at those games where you have to guess a person's weight or guess how much a jar of jelly beans weighs. Even if I gave an answer, I don't think I would trust it to accurately represent my mental model of that number. All in all, the whole weight limit thing was pretty funny.
  • One day, I was sitting down minding my own business, when I got an email from a friend. She told me she had a friend who had similar interests to mine, and that maybe we should meet up. To be more precise, she told me, "she wants to go to Antarctica, and the only other person I know crazy enough to want to do that is you." Yup, she decided to play matchmaker based on how crazy she thought we both were.
  • Soon after I started dating one of the Mild Ex'es, I met some of her family. It wasn't any special occasion, they were just around and I wasn't about to be rude. This was made more complicated by the fact that they didn't all speak English, but we sort of muddled through.

    However, I found out later that one of those family members had a decayed state of mind. This particular fact was important because he somehow took my presence to mean that I was the Mild Ex'es husband. Yup, I went from dating to married in the span of a few weeks, all without my knowledge. The Mild Ex found this hilarious, and it came up as the punch line for a joke on more than one occasion. How's that for someone trying to marry me off?
  All in all, I'm not exactly complaining. The whole thing is pretty funny most of the time, and folks tend to have my best interests at heart. Still, it cracks me up whenever it comes up. Should anyone else come up with an amusing entry to Wife Watch, I'll be sure to add it to the next post.
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