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What's In a Name?

As the Mild Fiancée will tell you, I'm the kind of person who reads labels and follows instructions. She's more likely to go off script when it comes to recipes, but I do as I'm told. I don't know if there's an ironclad defense for this, but it's served me well enough over the years. Well, as it turns out, reading labels can lead to hilarity.

First, let's start with the infamous teaspoon incident. It has become lore in the Mild Fiancée and I's relationship, and I laugh about it every single time. The background for this particular story was that I was sick. I had a pretty nasty cold going, complete with the runny nose and sinus issues that plague me from time to time. The Mild Fiancée had some medicine in the cupboard, so she gave me some in the hopes that it'd help calm my symptoms. And I swear to you, I felt better within minutes. That stuff was magical.

I was impressed by this magical elixir, to say the least. I immediately went about trying to learn everything I could about it, so I could keep some of it on hand myself. To begin with, this elixir was actually something called Bronchial Wellness. I scoured the label to figure out what the active ingredient was, so that I would know what to look for in the future. One small, tiny detail, however, jumped out at me: the recommended dosage was a teaspoon for an adult.

I'm fairly bad at estimating things, but I was fairly sure that the Mild Fiancée had given me more than a teaspoon of the stuff. That led to the following conversation (paraphrased, since it happened a while back):

Me: "Hey, [Mild Fiancée], how much of this Bronchial Wellness did you give me?"
Mild Fiancée: "A tablespoon. Why?"
Me: "Um, the recommended dosage is a teaspoon."
Mild Fiancée: "Meh, they're about the same."
Me: "About the same? A tablespoon is three times as large."
Mild Fiancée: "What? No."
Me: "It is. You gave me triple the dosage."
(after some Googling proves that I wasn't making up that number)
Mild Fiancée: "Well, you feel better. And it's natural stuff anyway."

No wonder I felt better so quickly. I took my entire day's portion in a single shot. Incidentally, that incident is also known as the Triple The Dosage episode. Also, both the Mild Fiancée and I know exactly how many teaspoons are in a tablespoon off the top of our heads.

However, my favorite instance of amusing labels can be summed up with two pictures. These are the vitamins that the Mild Fiancée takes:

With a name like that, you'd figure the directions should be pretty straight forward. The brand is called "One A Day." Maybe you should, you know, take one a day.

Well, here are the directions on the back of the container:

Notice the line at the top. If you can't quite make it out, it specifically says that adults should take two gummies daily. The serving size for their product is also 2 gummies. It's not a typo. So, to be clear, you're supposed to take two of the "one a day" gummies per day.

Have I mentioned I like reading product labels? It can be surprisingly amusing.
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