Mild Amusement

Since the last time I noted that little kids say some really awesome things , I've seen little kids interact with the world in quite a variety of situations. The kids always have really obvious motivations, and watching them try to impose those desires on to the real world makes for quite a few laughs. Needless to say, the results have been highly amusing. Given all of that, I present to you the latest installment of conversations I've been a party to: Sister: (to an adult in line) "I've got this 25% off coupon that I won't be able to use, and it expires today. Would you like it?" Adult's Kid: "NOW can we get candy?" Adult's Kid: "You get 25% off of everything , not just the candy." Adult's Kid: "Look, there's some candy right there" Adult: "Ugh ... fine" Never underestimate the powers of persuasion that kids will employ in the pursuit of candy. I'm fairly certain that similar math on a test...

I've mentioned that recently I've been eating out a lot more  recently. Sometimes, there will be someone else to break bread with, but sometimes I'll just head out to grab something for myself. It's just how it goes; people have different schedules, and sometimes they don't line up properly. Heck, many times I'm restricted by the fact that I have a lunch-time meeting, so I can't exactly sit down at a restaurant with other people. On the days when I need to find something to eat before/during a lunch meeting, I usually need something quick and convenient. It seems like the perfect scenario for fast food, doesn't it? I'm in a rush, and these places specifically cater to someone in that predicament (it's called "fast food" for a reason). In a word, no. I will exhaust every single other option before I step into a place known for golden arches, royalty, red pigtails, or a gigantic head with a wit. Why, you ask? Well, there's a stor...

A while back, I was talking to a coworker when he commented that he was starting to play a lot more chess. His son liked the game, so in an effort to be supportive of a constructive hobby, the guy was playing a lot more. Actually, he discovered that he liked the game. Assuming that I knew how to play, he asked when we were going to play a game (apparently the "closet" part of "closet nerd" isn't working out so well for me). On a whim, I bought one of those cheap magnetic chess sets and brought it in to work. It's not like we sit there and goof off the whole time, but there's always a little bit of down time. Between the computer-mandated ergonomic breaks, having a few minutes before a meeting, or plain old coffee/water/fatigue breaks, there are always a few minutes to kill. I figured using up a couple of those minutes to make a move couldn't hurt, and it'd be a pleasant distraction. Well, it worked. It took us like two weeks to finish a game ...

I was at dinner the other night, generally having a merry old time with a bunch of other people. It started out like many other meals, with people showing up on time, people showing up late (guilty as charged), and all sorts of chatter back and forth. Somewhere in the middle of all that, though, the outing took a sudden, and hilarious, turn: a bet was made. I knew most of the people there, so it was easy to hop from conversation to conversation as the night wore on. On one of those hops, I overheard one of the people at the other end of the table comment that she wasn't going to eat much. She apparently hadn't eaten much for the rest of the day, either. To make matters worse, the first sip of her (alcoholic) drink had hit her surprisingly hard. Given all of that, the "I'm not going to eat much" plan seemed a bit dubious to me, so I suggested she eat more than a couple of bites of food. Apparently, I wasn't the only one who thought this way. Another guy far...

The last time I was out sick, I had to send my team an email that I wasn't going to be available. As I was typing up that email, some small part of me wondered if my team members were going to think I was a slacker. Now, it's not like this is a common occurrence. I miss work pretty infrequently, and I've probably taken something like four or five sick days for the entirety of the year. Still, I couldn't help but feel a small twinge of guilt for not being available. On second thought, though, I realized that it's a small miracle that I don't end up sick more often. Remember, my house turns into a day care during the day. That means that there are constantly little kids running around, getting their cooties all over everything. As a coworker of mine once said, "little kids are vectors of infection for the first few years. Then everyone involved builds an immunity, and things get better." You can clean as much as you want, but it's a losing battle...

A couple of years ago, I was on a trip with a friend to New York . During the course of the trip, I was leaving a restaurant when a doorman clapped me on the shoulder. My companions thought that this somehow implied a sexual advance or flirting of some sort. Well, that wasn't the last time I've had others read into a situation like that. I've been going out to eat lunch a lot more lately, largely because I get very restless if I don't get out of the office to break up my day. Eating at restaurants means dealing with waiters and waitresses, so I have had plenty of interactions with them lately. Somehow, though, the people around me have decided that this means that the wait staff is constantly flirting with me. The first example came when I ordered a burger. This particular establishment let you pick either thin-cut fries or potato wedges. I didn't have a strong preference, so I hesitated for a moment. Trying to be helpful, the waitress asked if I'd ever eate...

My friend was in town a little while back, so I spent an evening hanging out at her house. She actually wasn't around for very long, so she had invited a bunch of other people over in an attempt to see as many of them as possible. It was a very chill night, and I met several new people. Eventually, though, it started to get late, and people started to leave. That's when the fun began. One of the first guys to leave said his goodbyes, and then walked out. A few minutes later, though, he walked back in. Surprised, everyone looked up to see what had happened. Guy: "So, um, I have enough gas, but ... " He didn't actually trail off at that point, but I'm going to interject here. When someone starts a sentence like this, several thoughts can go through your head. For example, you might think: "Wait a second, does he want to siphon gas?" This was actually what went through my head, and I was not alone. At least one other guy later admitted he thou...