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Reactions

A while back, one of the Mild Exes and I broke up. It was messier than I would have liked, but them's the breaks. It was actually a pretty amusing story (a juicer figured prominently), but in keeping with the "don't air dirty laundry" rule, I'll refrain from telling it here. However, people's reactions to the story are fair game, since I'm not divulging state secrets in the process. More importantly, they were freaking hilarious.

Remember, all of these came off the cuff pretty much immediately after hearing what had gone down:

  • Friend 1: "You're right, it's a fun story, though I think it needs a little less profanity"
    Friend 2: "Really? Because I think it needs MORE"

    I couldn't help but burst out laughing at this. I'm not going to lie; I felt like high-fiving that second friend immediately afterward and declaring her my best friend for the week.
  • Friend 1: "Where do you find these women?!"
    Friend 2: "Yeah, you need to start a private blog so we can vet them for you. Clearly, your processes are insufficient."

    This is not the first time that someone has offered advice about my dating life, but this particular iteration cracked me up. Apparently, I need to add some more technology in to the mix, so that I can get geographically-disparate suggestions about the whole thing.
  • Friend: "Heh, it's a juicy story"

    There's always one person who likes puns in the crowd.
  • Friend: "Arg, I'm just so mad about this on your behalf. I want to punch something."

    Remember, this was someone else talking, not me. The really funny thing is that this friend is usually polite, calm, and rational. Hearing her say that was incredibly funny because of the contrast. I think I'm going to have to add her to my army for world domination.
  • Friend: "Aw, you did WHAT? Nah, Sam, you're too soft"

    Different friend as the item above, but the commentary for that item applies here, as well. I apparently need to be more of a hard-ass from here on out.
  • It wasn't a quote, but my brother created a scale/measurement system for what he dubbed "the crazy." I'll give him credit, he thought the whole thing out. There were different factors, each was weighted appropriately, and there was even a divisor thrown in to the mix to accurately describe how much people are willing to put up with (the "hotness" factor, if you must know). It wasn't quite up to scientific-quality, but it wasn't too far off, either.

    The explanation alone had me laughing for like five minutes.
In hindsight, I actually laughed so much about the whole thing, that I look back on the whole thing with a chuckle. Note that this also means that if and when the next break up happens, I'll have some good comedy waiting for me.

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