Feisty

My coworker who wanted to avoid starting a domestic dispute reminded me that I also have friends who are very willing to do the opposite for me. In particular, I know some women who are absolutely willing to throw down on my behalf. What's really funny about this is that these are normally very calm & collected people. They aren't violent, they aren't confrontational people, and they're not the kind of people I expect to get into trouble.

Somehow, though, each of these ladies has a switch that turns her from a mild mannered missus to something roughly resembling the Incredible Hulk. When they go into that latter mode, conversations get a lot more interesting. Some of the most interesting gems include:

• "If you need me to call someone to tell that person to back off from 'my man,' let me know."
  There is something of an unspoken rule that you don't want to get into a fight with a crazy person. Sure, you might end up winning the fight, but the crazy person is going to do something crazy, like stab you in the leg with a fork.
  Knowing this, this was my friend's way of offering to solve a problem a few years back. Not only was she offering to start a fight of sorts, though, she was also offering to pretend to be crazy in the process. Think about that for a second. Now that's a true friend.
  
• "I hate hearing how these girls treat my guy friends. If I could, I'd have it all out with these *$#!@es"
  Same friend, but different conversation. Just in case you had any doubts that the one above was a fluke, here's a second sample. Mind you, this is the same person who generally agrees to handle things at work to avoid having to tell people, "no." Whatever causes that switch to flip in her mind, I definitely don't want to be the one causing it to flip.
  
• "I live sort of near there. If you need me to, I can pay that person a visit."
  This one came from another fairly tame person, but she was offering to carry out a mob-style "visit." Honestly, though, I wouldn't be surprised if this particular friend could throw down. She's not a hardcore thug or anything, but she's a little zany. Zany and determination can be a scary combination.
  
• "Do I need to come back to San Francisco with a can of Whoop-Ass?"
  This one came from my friend who I have affectionately nicknamed "Mom." This is the same friend who would listen to my complaining as I stumbled my way through adolescence, and who once wrote me a recommendation letter at the last minute. She is one the kindest, nicest people I have ever met, and I have always held her in high esteem.
  Of course, me being me, I laughed just a little when she said it. I also had a faint urge to high-five her (okay, maybe it wasn't so faint).

Given all of this, I think that I have a new addition to my potential world-conquering army. I already have a middle-aged American battalion, now I can add a pissed-off friends division. They can be the covert unit, since they'll be completely unassuming until they get pissed off. Maybe it's just me, but world domination really is looking like it's going to be a cake walk.