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Mistaken Identity

I have a lot of female friends. I've never actively tried to make this happen, but that's just how it's turned out over the years. Most of the time, I don't think anything about this. I mean, what does it really matter? I can still play basketball or pick up football with the fellas, I don't do anything scandalous, and it's not like it changes my life in any negative ways. Well, most of the time. Every now and again, it makes things hilariously interesting.

See, the big problem is that most people assume that a guy and a girl who are hanging out are romantically involved somehow. One of my oldest friends at work happens to be female, and people have been whispering about us for years. She's engaged and I have dated several other women during the time we've known each other, but that hasn't stopped imaginations from running wild. Heck, I went skydiving with my sister-in-law, and the instructor assumed that she was my girlfriend. Like I said, people make a lot of assumptions.

I've actually gotten used to this, that's just how it goes. There's nothing I can do about it, and it gets old having to correct people. Every now and then, though, it gets especially interesting. I visited a (female) friend of mine in Phoenix on the way to the Grand Canyon once, and we both ended up laughing. She was working as an actress at the time, so we agreed that she'd get me complimentary tickets to the show, and we'd hang out afterward. It was a good play, and I walked over to the backdoor to wait for her to get out.

Now, this friend of mine had told me that occasionally "back door Johnny's" will camp out back there to hit on the actresses. So, already, I was feeling a little leery about this plan. Still, that's what we'd agreed to, so I headed over. I saw all of the other actors, so I nodded hello, and stood off a little ways away. They'd just got done working, I didn't want to bother them. Besides, I didn't know them, and they were clearly making plans to go do something afterward. I figured it wasn't my place to interject.

Anyhow, my friend got out, and she talked to her fellow actors for a few minutes. I didn't catch much of the conversation, but I did hear:
Friend: "Nah, not tonight. I already made plans, you guys have fun."
Actor #2: "C'mon, it'll be fun."
Actor #3: "Nah, guys, leave her alone, she's hanging out with her friend."
Actor #2: "But ..."
Actor #3: "Dude, she's. Hanging. Out. With. Her FRIEND." (Starts pulling the rest of them away)
Actor #2: "Oh... Oh, oh, oh. Um, okay, g'night."

That whole exchange cracked me up. She caught the implication, too, and we had a good hard laugh about it.

Still, that was nothing compared to the time I visited my friend abroad. She offered to let me crash at her place a few days to save on costs, so the eyebrows were already raised before I even got there. However, this was someone that I'd known a while, and an off-hand comment would seal my doom. See, she was talking to one of her roommates about her love life, and she was complaining that some of the guys she was dating didn't get her. That led to:

Friend: "I swear, there needs to be a School of [Her Name] so that these guys could learn."
Roommate: "Haha, that'd be hilarious."
Friend: "Yup, and as they figured things out, they'd graduate."
Roommate: "Haha. What about that guy who is coming to visit?" (That'd be me)
Friend: "Haha, him? He should be teaching graduate level courses"

What she meant was that I'd known her for so long that I had all sorts of dirt on her. I'd heard her stories and I knew some of her secrets, so it was a fairly accurate description. Still, that is not at all how the room mate took that comment. Instead, the roommate assumed that we were romantically involved, and no amount of saying otherwise would dissuade her. Let's just say that I caught more than one smirk pointed in my direction during my stay.

Like I said, the whole things has led to quite a few laughs. Still, I may have to start wearing a wedding ring or something so that people's imaginations don't go crazy.

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