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The Strut

I don't know why, but I don't walk like most people do. I can't quite explain it, but I have been told numerous times that I have a very distinctive gait. It's the sort of thing where if I'm walking down a hill amongst several people, you can probably pick me out based on the way I'm walking.

It's not a conscious decision to walk that way, I've pretty much always walked that. Even when I was a kid, people would comment that I had a strut, and that I sort of walked like my grandpa. Given that my grandpa has age working against him, it was probably a bit odd to have my walk compared to his. No one ever said it maliciously, though, and it's not like I knew a different way to walk. So, I kept doing it.

Over the years, classmates of mine noticed this, as well. However, their description of said gait has been slightly different. Various friends that I have known for a while have commented that I walk "like a thug." In fact, one of them used this as a distinctive feature to describe my appearance when someone asked who she was hanging out with. She also threw in, "even though he's not at all one," so I suppose I can't be too upset.

I've also had people in foreign countries assume that I was some form of military man for what I can only assume was the same reason. I was just walking around at a lookout point with another person, when several locals asked if I was in the army. I hadn't talked to them or otherwise interacted with them, but based solely on what they saw, they assumed. Not in the army? CIA? FBI? In their minds, there had to have been some military training involved, since normal people don't walk that way.

One time, I even had solicitors on the street make borderline ridiculous assumptions about me as a result of my gait. I was in the financial district taking care of a few errands and doing some shopping. Solicitors for some agency (I don't remember which, but they wanted money) saw me walking by, and asked me to stop for a second. Against my better judgment, I talked to them. Within about two minutes, they had told me that "I don't care how tough you are or how much you hate kids, your heart will melt," "even if you don't make much, you can spare some money," and "how much do you spend on gum in a month? Twenty dollars?" If their job was to profile people, they failed. I help with kids all the time, and I happen to like them, rather than distance myself from them. I don't exactly make enough to buy small countries, but I'm not poor, either. Oh, and I haven't spent money on gum in several months. The whole thing made me laugh, especially the bit about the gum.

Given all of this, I present to you my conclusions:

  • If I ever do embark on a life of crime, I can't be on the front lines. My face may be forgettable, but my walk is most definitely not.
  • My grandpa is apparently an OG. He's got the walk down and everything.
  • If you ever meet anyone else who walks like I do, be nice to that person (that goes doubly for my grandpa). Odds are, you don't want to upset that person.
  • Thugs chew a lot of gum

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