Mind in the Gutter 2

I have a quirky sense of humor, so I will usually give people a wide berth when it comes to oddball comments. This sometimes leads to some questionable conversations. Most of the time, it's fine. I play along, we all share some laughs, and we call it good. Sometimes, though, these types of conversations blindside me with shenanigans that can get me in trouble. The ones at work are the worst, since I have to mind my p's and q's then.

Of course, knowing my luck, I've been seeing a sharp increase in the latter kind lately. And the worst part of it all is that it's largely due to a single person. She's out to get me, I tell you. It's not even like I spend every day chatting this person up, so this is all coming from a relatively small sample size. I repeat, I think she's out to get me.

Now, I know you're probably thinking that I'm exaggerating. Or maybe you suspect that I am partially to blame for this. Somehow, I should be doing more, or saying less. I assure you, this is not the case. I am a blameless victim in all of this. But my pleadings likely won't convince you of much, so why don't we let the evidence speak for itself? In chronological order, I've had all of the following exchanges with this person in the last few weeks:

• Her: "Oh, I found a new web site for podcasts. It's [URL], if you're interested."
  Me: "Interesting. Of course, you had to send me to a website with a banner saying 'Sex Matters' on it, didn't you?"
  Her: "Hm, you're right. It's actually [URL]/[some directory]. You have to go deeper." *chuckle*
  
  That exchange had a few things to it, so let's take them one at a time. First, she followed up on an earlier conversation by sending to a site that very likely could have run me afoul of the work filter. She wasn't even looking at that URL, since she was apparently browsing some corner of it. Already, this was taking a turn for the worse.
  
  Then, she followed it up with an explanation with a double entendre about sex thrown in. I know she chuckled, because she told me as much. So, not only did she try to set me up in the first place, but even the explanation was an attempt to make things even more questionable.
  
  What did I do wrong in this instance? Nothing. I just opened up a URL that a friend sent me. Next thing you know, I'm tempting the work filter and trying to avoid saying something that would get me in trouble. Devious.
  
• (We'd both gotten an email about the dangers of pellets that weigh down document holders. Under very specific/unlucky circumstances, they can spill in to outlets and cause short circuits)
  Her: "Oh, that reminds me, I have to tape up my document holder. Have to watch out for those leaky balls."
  
  I didn't even say anything this time. I just read some emails. A response like that is just begging for a non-PC response, though. C'mon, you know it. If this were anything other than work, you'd reply with a joke. But no, I can't do that when this person sends it over the work email system.
  
  Put it this way, this story came up at a recent lunch, and the other person's jaw just flat out dropped when he heard the punch line. This was followed by a laugh a split second later, and a split second after that, he cracked a joke. Still, I  had to keep my mouth shut. By this point, though, I started to suspect that she was taunting me.
  
• Her: "You want a cookie?"
  Me: "No thanks, I've got an apple with my name on it."
  Her: "Okay. I've got a banana that needs some loving"
  Her: "Wait, that sounded wrong"
  
  Like I said the last time I did a post like this, this particular item happened over the work communicator. Also like the last time, it probably would have been fine if she hadn't done the verbal equivalent of waving her hands and pointing at the potentially questionable comment. Once she did that, though, my fate was sealed. I couldn't very well respond with any kind of comment, much less a joke, after that, could I?
  
  And by this point, I knew darn well that she had laughed after that last comment. I'm pretty sure she was trying to turn things in a R-rated direction where I couldn't say anything. Needless to say, this earned a non-comment from me.

  Given all of this, though, I've decided that I have to be careful around this person. Either that, or I need to devise some means of getting even. Any and all ideas are welcome, of course.