Skip to main content

A Monologue Of Sorts: The Salad

Salad and I have a funny history. For a good chunk of my youth, I didn't really eat any. I didn't believe it was a true form of food. Sure, it was served to you if you went out to eat, but it was neither filling nor satisfying to me. So I would usually avoid it when presented as an option.

That stance has since changed, especially since the cafeteria at work sells some hearty salads that I enjoy. The initial preference for some other food item is still there, but I can have a salad for lunch and be okay with that. I still prefer that the salad have some heft to it, though, so I always throw in eggs and meat of some sort when given the option. Or as a friend once told me, I like "manly" salads (side note: a different friend claimed that baby spinach and portobello mushrooms made her salad "womanly," so there's gender parity with the salads).

Anyhow, I was recently at the cafeteria buying lunch when I had an "encounter" with one of my favorite salads. I'm not sure I can do the experience justice, so instead, I'll just give a transcript of sorts of the thoughts that went through my head. It's not quite a stream of consciousness approach, but it's fairly close. Just trust me on this one, I think it'll make more sense this way:

My Brain: "Hm, long line today, I wonder if a big meeting just got out or something"
My Brain: "Oh wait, looks like there's a new person today. That explains it"
* 30 seconds later *
Me (out loud): "Hey, can I get the [salad] to go? No meat, but everything else, please"
My Brain: "Heh, you can tell he's new, he's taking longer than usual to put together the salad"
My Brain: "Heh, yup, definitely new, he's giving me more of the toppings than anyone else would. Sweet, more food for me."
Me (out loud): "Thanks, have a good day"
* 30 seconds later *
My Brain: "Wow, this thing really has some heft to it. This is awesome, it's my lucky day."
* 30 seconds later *
My Brain: "All right, time to eat. Heh, I got a big salad. Still happy about this."
* 5 minutes later *
My Brain: "Wow, I've been eating for a while, and it looks like I haven't touched my food. Dude really did give the farm away today. Best salad ever."
* 5 minutes later *
My Brain: "Ha! Now it actually looks like I've eaten some of my food. That looks like I'm down to maybe two thirds of a normal sized portion."
* 30 seconds later *
My Brain: "Hm, I wonder if maybe that's actually too much food. Nah, no way"
* 2 minutes later *
My Brain: "Hm, so maybe, it just might be too much food."
My Brain: "No way, suck it up, pansy. You've eaten way more than that before, you can finish this. Besides, extra salad! Be happy."
* 5 minutes later *
My Brain: "Okay, down to the last fourth or so. This is doable, I'm still in decent shape"
* 30 seconds later *
My Brain: "Dude, this is way more salad than I thought. I'm actually starting to feel full. I've got a fighting chance, though"
Me (out loud): "Hmm ..... "
* 2 minutes later *
My Brain: "All right! Down to like 3 bites left. This is getting finished. Take that, salad!"
* 5 seconds later *
My Brain: "You know, I bet you this'd make an interesting blog post" (I'll leave it to you to decide)
* 90 seconds later *
My Brain: "Last bite. Phew, glad it's almost over"
* 15 seconds later *
My Brain: "Victory, victory! I did it, I'm awesome!"
My Brain: "Yeah, definitely full. Sure hope that doesn't happen again."

See, salad and I have an interesting relationship. After this latest bout, I'm not going to look at salads quite the same way any more. Also, I think I should be glad that people can't hear my thoughts. It gets interesting in there sometimes (and my consciousness may just very well work a little bit like this guy's).
Labels:

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Nicknames Again

In a post from a while back , I mentioned that people around me end up with nicknames fairly frequently. It's not always my doing, but I am more than happy to play along. Of course, the best part isn't the actual nickname, it's always the back story that leads to the nickname. And since it's been a while since that previous post, I've picked up a few more stories about nicknames that are worth a chuckle. So, without further ado, I present to you: "ADT" You know how people pay for security systems for their houses? One of the most well-known companies is called ADT . My brother likes to say that he has no need for said security systems because one of his neighbors is constantly on the lookout for what's going on in the neighborhood. She's like a one-person neighborhood watch, complete with a side of the neighborhood gossip. He has actually come home and had her tell him about the comings and goings of his wife. My brother's smart aleck str...
Post a Comment
Read more

All Good Things ...

August 8, 2009. Over twelve years ago, I started blogging with this simple post . I didn't really have a great reason for starting the blog, other than I wanted to try it out. I wanted to try writing and putting it where others could read it. I don't know, it just seemed like a new adventure to try. Along the way, there have been all sorts of posts and all sorts of life events, but through it all, I kept writing. It just became a part of what I do at some point. It wasn't a matter of whether I was going to write a blog post, it was a matter of when. The Mild Wife has described it as a "writing practice," and it was one of the reasons why I kept writing. Honestly, it's good practice, and it gives me an opportunity to hone my craft. I'm no professional author, but we all have to write stuff in our everyday lives. Why not give yourself reps to get better at it? However, I think it's time for that practice to change. My weekly anecdotes sure kept me amused...
Post a Comment
Read more

Combinations

Unfortunately, this pandemic seems to be drawing out even farther. I'd started to think that we might be getting over the hump, but the number of cases keep rising and there are new variants that seem to be causing concern all over again. I'm not predicting doom and gloom, but let's just say that I'm not surprised that some counties are starting to issue lockdown and mask rules again. Ultimately, that means that the Mild Wife and I have to ensure our mask game is on point again. We still have a few from the initial bout of sewing  but it's sure looking like we're going to need masks in the near future. Given that, I figured I might as well start making a few more. Of course, I've got a few more reps under my belt now, so I can start to think more about how we want the finished product to look rather than the mechanics of whether or not I threaded the machine properly. The latest sewing blog post happened to be about masks, and it was from a few weeks ago, s...
Post a Comment
Read more