Skip to main content

A Monologue Of Sorts: The Salad

Salad and I have a funny history. For a good chunk of my youth, I didn't really eat any. I didn't believe it was a true form of food. Sure, it was served to you if you went out to eat, but it was neither filling nor satisfying to me. So I would usually avoid it when presented as an option.

That stance has since changed, especially since the cafeteria at work sells some hearty salads that I enjoy. The initial preference for some other food item is still there, but I can have a salad for lunch and be okay with that. I still prefer that the salad have some heft to it, though, so I always throw in eggs and meat of some sort when given the option. Or as a friend once told me, I like "manly" salads (side note: a different friend claimed that baby spinach and portobello mushrooms made her salad "womanly," so there's gender parity with the salads).

Anyhow, I was recently at the cafeteria buying lunch when I had an "encounter" with one of my favorite salads. I'm not sure I can do the experience justice, so instead, I'll just give a transcript of sorts of the thoughts that went through my head. It's not quite a stream of consciousness approach, but it's fairly close. Just trust me on this one, I think it'll make more sense this way:

My Brain: "Hm, long line today, I wonder if a big meeting just got out or something"
My Brain: "Oh wait, looks like there's a new person today. That explains it"
* 30 seconds later *
Me (out loud): "Hey, can I get the [salad] to go? No meat, but everything else, please"
My Brain: "Heh, you can tell he's new, he's taking longer than usual to put together the salad"
My Brain: "Heh, yup, definitely new, he's giving me more of the toppings than anyone else would. Sweet, more food for me."
Me (out loud): "Thanks, have a good day"
* 30 seconds later *
My Brain: "Wow, this thing really has some heft to it. This is awesome, it's my lucky day."
* 30 seconds later *
My Brain: "All right, time to eat. Heh, I got a big salad. Still happy about this."
* 5 minutes later *
My Brain: "Wow, I've been eating for a while, and it looks like I haven't touched my food. Dude really did give the farm away today. Best salad ever."
* 5 minutes later *
My Brain: "Ha! Now it actually looks like I've eaten some of my food. That looks like I'm down to maybe two thirds of a normal sized portion."
* 30 seconds later *
My Brain: "Hm, I wonder if maybe that's actually too much food. Nah, no way"
* 2 minutes later *
My Brain: "Hm, so maybe, it just might be too much food."
My Brain: "No way, suck it up, pansy. You've eaten way more than that before, you can finish this. Besides, extra salad! Be happy."
* 5 minutes later *
My Brain: "Okay, down to the last fourth or so. This is doable, I'm still in decent shape"
* 30 seconds later *
My Brain: "Dude, this is way more salad than I thought. I'm actually starting to feel full. I've got a fighting chance, though"
Me (out loud): "Hmm ..... "
* 2 minutes later *
My Brain: "All right! Down to like 3 bites left. This is getting finished. Take that, salad!"
* 5 seconds later *
My Brain: "You know, I bet you this'd make an interesting blog post" (I'll leave it to you to decide)
* 90 seconds later *
My Brain: "Last bite. Phew, glad it's almost over"
* 15 seconds later *
My Brain: "Victory, victory! I did it, I'm awesome!"
My Brain: "Yeah, definitely full. Sure hope that doesn't happen again."

See, salad and I have an interesting relationship. After this latest bout, I'm not going to look at salads quite the same way any more. Also, I think I should be glad that people can't hear my thoughts. It gets interesting in there sometimes (and my consciousness may just very well work a little bit like this guy's).
Labels:

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

New York City Trip (Day 3)

By the third day of the trip, I was tired enough from the previous day's adventures/subway rides that I felt like sleeping in. And sleep in I did. I think I woke up at something like 11:30 or noon. Of course, that meant that a later start to the day, which started the vicious cycle all over again. By the time we rolled into Manhattan, it was about two in the afternoon. I had tentatively set aside Sunday to see something on Broadway, so we headed over to the tkts booth for discount tickets. There were actually various 3PM options, and after mulling our options, we figured it'd be a good idea to catch one of those. We settled on The Toxic Avenger , which was actually an off-Broadway option. However, we hadn't eaten yet, and the show started about 15 minutes after we got our tickets. Enter the food carts. There happened to be one right outside the theater, and the guy charged a little bit of a premium for the convenience. Still, I was hungry, and I had yet to try...
1 comment
Read more

Sick Days 2

I've mentioned before that getting sick is a source of amusement for me, largely because of the kids and the reactions I get from people at work. Well, it looks like I underestimated just how much laughter illness can cause. Yup, the whole process of getting sick managed to generate some (mild) amusement. First of all, my brother got a pretty bad case of strep throat, so he had to miss some time at work. He is also around kids quite a bit, so it's not uncommon for one of those "vectors of infection" he works with to get him sick in some way, shape, or form. In this case, he managed to contract a case of strep throat. His supervisor, however, was far more concerned about the work schedule than the fact that he had a really high fever and could not keep himself out of bed. She said she was going to make him come in later that day (to which he roughly said, "you're not understanding. I cannot come in to work today."), and then she insisted on a doctor...
Post a Comment
Read more

Where Do I Go?

As the days of COVID-19 are dragging on, we are having to make more adjustments to our usual routines. Some of these changes are so mundane that I haven't mentioned them at all in this blog, while others have lead to some pretty funny anecdotes . That's probably par for the course, since you wouldn't expect a global pandemic to be all giggles. As it turns out, however, not all of the anecdotes happen to us directly. Having to socially distance and remotely do things has actually led to at least one goofy episode that we found out from afar. You see, it was our niece's birthday recently, but we couldn't visit her because of the aforementioned social distancing. So, we figured we'd ship her a present and call her on her birthday. We couldn't be there in person, but we could still wish her well and try to make her feel special on her birthday. Given that shipping times have been erratic the last few months, we ordered the present with plenty of time, and it arr...
Post a Comment
Read more