Mild Amusement

A while back, I got one of those Visa gift cards. As soon as I saw it, I recognized what it was. I'm no stranger to those gift cards, because I've had to buy a couple of them as gifts for others in the past. The idea is that it works just like a credit card, so the receiver can spend it on pretty much anything he wants. And since the person receiving the gift card doesn't have to pay for the amount that was pre-loaded on to the card, it's essentially free money. As I'm discovering, though, there are a couple of minor details that can make using the gift card all sorts of interesting. For example, my friend was telling me that, on occasion,  restaurants will keep the "account" open for a few days. I'm not entirely sure I understand the rationale, but apparently the tip is treated differently than the meal itself. It sounds like some sort of bookkeeping oddity, and normally I'd just laugh about it. However, this particular oddity can mean that th...

I'm not sure that there's a better way to describe it, but I have weird conversations sometimes. It's not that I intentionally go looking to spout off nonsense, but I am generally willing to play along. So when people say odd things, I don't shut down the conversation right then and there. If there's a joke to be made somewhere in that process, odds are that I'll at least consider it. Basically, I'm no stranger to an oddball sentence or two. Even so, I have to watch myself. Sometimes, there are things that can be read in the wrong way, with borderline ridiculous results. I don't mean "results" as in someone might get offended; no, I mean "results" as in someone might get arrested. What's even crazier is that it's never my fault. I may be all for cracking jokes, but I'd prefer not to have run-ins with people like the police. Luckily, it doesn't happen often. Still, there are three examples that readily come to mind: M...

Whenever I type up a blog entry, I try to be helpful. If I use an English idiom that I suspect people won't be familiar with, I provide a link to something explaining said idiom. If I include some bit of Spanish that's pertinent to the story, I translate the phrase so that it makes sense. It's just one of those things that's been drilled into me over the course of my academic career. Professors insisted on bibliographies and English teachers insisted that I explained concepts. It's practically reflex by now, to the point that it feels wrong if I leave that bit out. As a result, I end up doing a lot of browsing for links. Since I have started writing this blog, I have often found myself on the websites for  Urban Dictionary , Wikipedia , and Merriam Webster . Google is also my friend, since I can usually rely on that for some of the more obscure references. Anyhow, I was looking for one of these helpful links recently, and I stumbled across a top 10 rare & am...

Do any of you remember the sprinkler dance ? The one that is generally considered to be a goof-off type thing? Or as my friend once described it, the one "that only [her] super embarrassing brother would ever do in a club?" I think I may have found something that tops that, in sheer brilliance and hilarity. Well, more like my sister found it, but same difference. She was talking to one of her fiancé's coworkers, and he was telling her that he likes to dance. Even better, he was telling her about how he dances, and he had to give a verbal description of what he does. So, I present to you "the light bulb:" "First, you pretend like you're unscrewing a light bulb." You want to pretend like the light bulb is off to your side, rather than in front of you. That gives the full visual effect of unscrewing the light bulb. Also, just use one hand rather than both. It's not as if you really need both hands, anyway. You can put a slight bend in your ...

I have a new schedule at work, and as a result, I am in the office much later than I used to be. Put it this way, the cleaning crew recognizes me. Now, it's not like I am having dinner in the office, but they clean later in the afternoon and I'm still there when they're doing their thing. It's a little bit of an oddity, but it is what it is. I also get to take more days off, though, so it seems like a pretty even trade. As you can probably imagine, things become a little more relaxed around the office when most people have gone home. There aren't any parties, at least none to which I have been invited. But people will be more honest and more playful, so I have often had more interesting conversations after 6PM. People are just more willing to let their hair down after a long day, you know? Anyhow, I also happen to have a few friends who occasionally stay late. In their cases, it's not mandated by their schedules, so I usually suggest to them that they shoul...

My coworker who wanted to avoid starting a domestic dispute reminded me that I also have friends who are very willing to do the opposite for me. In particular, I know some women who are absolutely willing to throw down on my behalf. What's really funny about this is that these are normally very calm & collected people. They aren't violent, they aren't confrontational people, and they're not the kind of people I expect to get into trouble. Somehow, though, each of these ladies has a switch that turns her from a mild mannered missus to something roughly resembling the Incredible Hulk. When they go into that latter mode, conversations get a lot more interesting. Some of the most interesting gems include: "If you need me to call someone to tell that person to back off from 'my man,' let me know." There is something of an unspoken rule that you don't want to get into a fight with a crazy person. Sure, you might end up winning the fight, but...

I had to log in to work this morning, to handle issues with an application that I support. It wasn't the most thrilling way to spend my Saturday morning, but them's the breaks. However, I happen to be friends with the lady who reported the issue, so she was as thoughtful about bugging me as possible. In the process, she also had a ridiculously awesome conversation with me. To begin with, she sent me a text message rather than calling me this morning. I don't think anyone has ever sent me a text message for work before. Now, all of my customers have my cell phone so they can reach me in case of an emergency. This qualified as urgent, so I have no problem with her getting a hold of me. Apparently, though, she really, really didn't want to disturb me early in the morning, so she decided not to call me. Cool, that was thoughtful of her. What's more, the text message itself was actually very, very polite. She introduced herself again like we'd never met before (...

I have mentioned once before that I tend to hear all manner of oddball compliments . It's been over a year since I wrote that first post, though, so the weird remarks about me have added up since then. Ergo, I present to you a second round of strange compliments: "You're a fat person in a skinny person's body" This was both a compliment on keeping myself fairly fit and an indictment of my eating habits. I tend to eat a lot, especially for my size. What's more, I tend to be very lax about making sure I eat the right kinds of food. Upon seeing this in action, one of my coworkers summed all of this up in nine words. "Did you play football? You have big calves like a football player" The guy who said this actually used to play football, so he wasn't talking about something he knew nothing about. On the other hand, I've never played football on a team. I can't decide if this means I have an above-average amount of muscle there, or if I n...

A while back, a friend of mine went to Japan and brought back a good luck charm ( omamori ) for me as a souvenir. I'm not superstitious, but I figured it couldn't hurt. The actual omamori is about the size of a key, so it's not like it was going to take up tons of space. What's more, I figured I would need the protection the most when I was outside of my own home, so I stuck it on my key chain. The little bell on it meant that I had to sacrifice some stealth, but I figured if I really had to go all ninja on someone I wouldn't take my keys with me. Because the omamori was on my key chain, I'd always remember it when I was driving. As a result, I came to think of it as my "good luck on the roads" charm. I've never gotten a speeding ticket, and I've never been in a collision with another car. Basically, any trouble I've ever had behind the wheel has been solely my fault; I'd say it's done its job well. And the longer the good luck ha...

If you've been around me for any significant period of time, odds are that you've heard me repeat the saying, "habits die hard." Somehow, it just seems to be applicable to everyday situations. People are who they are, and barring any life-altering events, that doesn't usually change. Sure, smaller things tend to change over time, but I'm not going to stop being a smart ass anytime soon, for example. Now, as I may have mentioned before, I used to take kickboxing classes a long time ago. It started out as a means of exercise, but I really liked it. Next thing you knew, I was training to compete in an actual competition. I'm not claiming to be the baddest fighter ever, but I have noticed that some of that training never quite disappears. Often times, those habits show up at the oddest times. During the  road trip through the Midwest last year, my buddy and I ended up going on a hike through a random trail. From what we could tell, the trail wasn't supe...